Last week, Thursday, May 25 marked the final whole-school Evensong for the year. As is tradition, the Headmaster addressed the school community. We wanted to share his address, here, with our broader community.
Good afternoon. I am always so grateful for the opportunity to speak with you. This is our final, whole-school Evensong of the year and Dr. Leatch was kind enough to allow me the pulpit.
I’d like to take a few minutes to reflect on a word that we use a lot, especially in this space, it’s a word that, at least for me, I hadn’t reflected on a lot until earlier this year.
That word is grace.
I want to frame this as a question, or a consideration:
Where is the room for grace?
I have, in recent weeks and months, spent more and more time in doctors’ offices. This is not for me, although those years are coming. These visits have been mostly to accompany my mum. My mum is awesome and kind and beautiful. She is likely the best person I know. And, although you wouldn’t know it by looking at her, she is turning 90 in a few weeks.
At every doctors’ office or clinic, I noticed a sign in each reception area that read something like this, “Verbal abuse of our staff will not be tolerated.”
I thought that’s a weird sign; of course verbal abuse of anyone, anywhere, can’t be tolerated.
After seeing such signs in a few places, I finally asked someone if the sign was really necessary. The clinic staff person told me that they’d experienced, especially since the pandemic, a lot of angry people, very upset about wait times and late appointments. More and more, she said, this ended in raised voices directed at the people on the front lines.
There does seem to be more anger around. There seems to be more contentiousness around. There seems to be more conflict around. There seems to be more frustration, road rage, tantrums, honked horns, outrage, gossip, maliciousness, crankiness, closed-mindedness and polarization. There seems to be more piling on on social media sites and WhatsApp groups.
Maybe this was inevitable as we emerged from the horrors of lockdown. But one has to wonder that if we’re all so relieved that restrictions have been lifted, surely as a society, now that we’re able to interact again, that we’d act with gratitude, not anger.
One would wonder, if we’d act with grace.
But it seems not.
Where, then, is there room for grace?
Grace has so many meanings. These are off the top of my head and I’ve definitely missed a lot of the definitions.
Grace defined:
An elegance of movement. (“The dancers showed such grace.”)
Unmerited assistance. (Usually, in many religions, assistance given by God, or historically by a monarch or someone with leadership privilege, “By the grace of His Majesty, you are free to pass.”)
Mercy or forgiveness. (“The convict pleaded for grace.”)
Disposition to an act of kindness. (“She always acted with such grace.”)
A short prayer that is said before or after eating. (“Would you please say grace for us.”)
A charming characteristic. (The grace of youth)
A sense of rightness. (“She had the grace to try to find the owner of the bracelet she found.”)
A period allowed for payment. (“He has three days grace.”)
The quality of being considerate or thoughtful. (“She had the grace to give up her seat on the subway.”)
It’s the translation of “thank you” in many languages. (“gracias,” “grazie”)
It’s my daughter’s middle name.
We end most of our Thursday Evensong services with a verse known as the Grace. (“The grace of our Lord…”.) The Christian church is not the only church that evokes the idea of grace. Religions that have, at their centre, a God, generally share the premise that the love or forgiveness of that deity, cannot be earned, but is freely given.
The author, John Updike, said, “Rain is grace. Rain is the sky descending to Earth. Without rain, there is no life.”
Again, in our world, in our days, where is the room for grace?
For me, grace is pre-emptive forgiveness. Grace is the criticism or negative feedback that you might give, that you might be fully entitled to give, but you don’t. You choose not to. Grace is not waiting for an apology before you forgive and move forward. Grace is the unexpected reaching out from a friend when it is needed. Grace is when that person that you’ve owed a return message doesn’t remind you that you’ve more or less ghosted them when they reach out again to check on you.
Grace is not hanging on to the “you owe me one.” It’s the giving up of what is owed without mentioning it.
Grace is the assumption of goodwill. It is the assumption of good intent.
Grace cannot be earned but can be freely given.
I spoke with a colleague about wanting to talk about grace – about how broad the concept is and how many meanings it has. She reminded me, “The thing about grace is you rarely realize it’s being given to you, because that’s not how it works.”
You don’t know the criticism that wasn’t shared. You don’t know the frustration that wasn’t expressed. You don’t know the hard-to-hear feedback that wasn’t told to you. You don’t know the horn that wasn’t honked at you when you made a mistake on the road.
That’s what makes grace gracious. That’s what makes it both so incredibly powerful and so invisibly gentle.
Grace is the living version of the very best of our humanity. It is the implicit draw to goodness and kindness that lies within us. It is the exercise of the soul. It is, in the grace of others, the daily demonstration of the truth of the four most important words that can be shared with anyone who is in pain or struggling. Those four words are, “You are not alone.”
Where is the room for grace?
With just about the highest praise I can give to any characteristic, grace is Georgian. It is kind and healing and humble. It is small and huge, and it just simply makes the world better.
Got a grudge? Where’s the room for grace?
Legit beef? Where’s the room for grace?
Been wronged by someone who didn’t understand the impact of their actions? Where’s the room for grace?
Promised something that was not delivered? Where’s the room for grace?
Grace is not surrender. It is not weakness. There are many who’ve been oppressed, marginalized, left out, and deliberately hurt for terrible reasons.
And, truthfully, it is in the communities of those most oppressed where grace often shines brightest.
Grace is found in strength and courage. It is only found in strength and courage.
Grace is not a free pass. We all need feedback to become better, even if it feels harsh. Bad decisions need consequences. Learning is not easy and it is not always kind. Grace wraps all of that in humanity. It recognizes, in difficult moments of learning and growth, that we are all human.
I spoke of anger, contentiousness, conflict, frustration, road rage, tantrums, honked horns, outrage, gossip, maliciousness, crankiness, closed-mindedness and polarization. These are pretty automatic. They are pretty easy to fall into. They can be a proximate and simple release valve for lots of pent up things.
Grace is hard. We’re not, as a species, generally inclined to grace. That is what makes it so beautiful and so perfect.
I’ve said it before: the high road can be a lonely place.
At a personal level, the grace that I have been afforded by this community has held me up in very challenging and lonely times of leadership. I know I have experienced and been salvaged by grace in ways that are very likely invisible to me. But I have felt that, and I am grateful.
Here’s an exercise. When you feel slighted or wronged, or sense you are inclined to approaching unkindness in a response, pause and think the words, where is the room for grace?
And then be that grace.
___
I’m going to fully switch gears right now and finish by taking the opportunity to end our final whole-school Chapel service by acknowledging our Grade 12 graduates in front of the whole school.
I speak on behalf of our whole-school community when I share my gratitude for you graduates reminding us what it means to be Georgian; that it means to be good and inclusive and kind. It means sharing joy and laughter. It means taking care of each other. Even in the darkest and most difficult times of the past years you have always been that.
I am personally grateful to you all for allowing me the privilege of walking alongside you.
I’m also acknowledging our students who will be moving on to other schools and other opportunities next year. Please know my final words are also for you.
Remember your old school. Remember this space and what you’ve learned here.
Remember who you were. Remember who you are. Remember where you’ve come from. Know this is where you can always come back to.
Wherever you go, be bright with promise. Be drawn to light. Remember, you are Georgian.
Be gracious humans. Be full of grace.