How to Raise a Son

Has there ever been a more bittersweet turning of the calendar than from May to June? 

There is no doubt that graduation is a time to celebrate. Our sons have been on a steady march toward high school graduation since we first let go of a small hand and sent them into kindergarten when they were four years old. They have worked so hard, especially in their Grade 12 year, and they are ready for whatever comes next for them. Graduation is our chance to shine a light on their accomplishments, celebrate their achievements and look to their future with promise.

At the same time, I know I’m not alone in recognizing the impact of our sons’ graduation on our hearts, dear parents. Especially those of us who will be watching our youngest or our only child cross the stage to receive their diploma. While it’s not about us, it most certainly impacts us. I think it would be disingenuous to not share how deeply I am feeling these final days of high school for my youngest with the surest understanding that the summer will fly by and my house will be too quiet in September. 

Whether your son came into RSGC in Grade 3 or 7 or 9 or any other grade, I will say, from my heart, it’s been such a pleasure to walk alongside him while he has grown up. 

As has been my tradition for the past 14 years, I’ve spent lunch hours during the month of May conducting exit interviews with students from the graduating class. I meet with the boys in small groups of six to ten participants and, in return for pizza, I solicit feedback on their experience at the College. I learn a lot from these meetings; a lot about our school but even more about these young men. They are thoughtful and appreciative. They are proud of their reputation as “the good guys.” They also have a deep and poignant understanding that something is about to shift in their lives. Their excitement for what lies ahead is underpinned by some healthy apprehension. I remind them that I’ve seen this movie before and they are ready. 

I’ll remind you and, I guess, remind myself, of what I told all of them. I know it feels like an ending, but I promise it’s really a beginning. That’s so often the way the world works. 

You have beautiful sons. We have beautiful sons. For me, my annual tragedy is playing out in real time right in front of me. Just as these boys figure out and appreciate everything that works and is so good in our little village, just as they begin to emerge as truly engaging, interesting, vulnerable and wise, just as a best version begins to come into clear focus, well, it’s time for them to leave. They head out into the world. I like to say the world needs more Georgians, so it’s just our part of the bargain.

Our founding Headmaster, Jack Wright, a man much smarter than the current holder of the title, once wrote, “We may see a beautiful tree, and admire it, but what we seldom see is the root system. Below the ground there is as much or more strength than there is above the surface. There is always a price to be paid for putting down roots deeply.”

I accepted a long time ago that we’re in the roots business at this school, not the flower or fruit business. The roots business is not flashy or elegant. The roots business can be messy and unpredictable. If we’ve done our job right, the roots have been put down deeply. The world will get to know our sons and the world needs them more than we do.

In the long goodbye of the next couple of weeks, this is me saying thank you for sending your sons to this school. For sharing, as partners, the raising of these boys. It has been the joy of my life to watch them grow up, to watch them stare down challenges, overcome disappointments, celebrate successes and grow into brothers. The Class of 2025 will always hold a special place in my heart. 

I look forward to seeing you in the days ahead.

Steve